A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
