Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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