He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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