you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
