Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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