I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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