I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
