I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
