Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
People in love make me want to vomit
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
