i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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