she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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