My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
