i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
