some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
