I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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