apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
