I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
