she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he was CRYING into my vagina
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
