Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
