Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
