laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
