Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
false alarm. still invincible.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
