Tell her she can't have a vagina
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
