Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
