i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
