just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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