you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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