I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
