U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
