I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
