Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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