she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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