that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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