She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
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i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
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God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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