Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
