Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
