just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
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I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
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You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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