Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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