So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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