ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
