Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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