oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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