I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
