I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
