I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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