Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We left the knife in your bed.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
