if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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