There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
