fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
