I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
