I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
