dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
