My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
