The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
