morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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