Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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