I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
