if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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