When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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