so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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