I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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