We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
