All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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