Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
how drunk are you?
Several
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
