Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
