it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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