My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
