They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
