she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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