I'm gonna have a badass scar
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
