My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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