I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
4 words: hood of his car
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
